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The Evil White Man

by Richard Haxton

I am the evil white man
It is impossible for me to have a good thought or do a good deed
Many of my ancestors were evil white men
We came from the evil white monkeys
Who came from the evil white fish
Who came from the evil white amoebas
Who were conceived in the evil white ooze
Which studied evil all the time
The other ooze hated the evil white ooze
And with good reason – it was evil
In the past it had tried to subjugate and even enslave some of the other ooze
But it didn’t work out too good, not for the evil white ooze
Now I walk the earth spreading the evil white man code of evil
I say never ask questions
Never look into mirrors
Learn to write
Record everything so you won’t forget
Notarize your stool
There are no contradictions
I am the evil white man