Your mom and I have found it necessary to call you in this morning because we’ve just completed an inventory of active family members,
and in doing so we reviewed every member’s quarterly performance report and we’re sorry to have to inform you that the family’s going to have to downsize and we’re going to have to let you go.
You shouldn’t take this personally, however, because, essentially, it is an inventory problem, and after seven years you certainly understand the concept of the bottom line, so we won’t have to review that.
Right now we’d like to take this opportunity to present you with this commemorative stainless steel spoon and to assure you that you will be allowed two full days to remove any non-family-purchased or personal items and vacate your room. If you wish you can place ads in parenting magazines in the event that you desire to seek an offspring position with a new family.
Unfortunately, we cannot give you a personal recommendation, but we do wish you well. If you desire access to your quarterly report, submit a request in writing at your earliest possible convenience. And thank you for your service.