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New World Football

by Richard Haxton

Think about how much shorter, how much more exciting
All of our pro football games could be
If we got rid of the ball, got rid of the goal lines
And got rid of all them pesky referees
We could give automatic weapons to the linemen
Put mortars in the backfield
And bazookas for every player’s wife
Then we’d all be part of the action
And when you bet on your favorite faction
You wouldn’t be betting your money, you’d be betting your life
Of course we would need special protection
You know, for the cameras and the sportscasters
And all the important network execs
It could become the new world fad
Make you feel like a Baghdad mom and dad
Hell, it might be better than sex
Well, think about it