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Stop These Maniacs

by Richard Haxton

Some of the radicals around here seem to believe
That just because the workers of our town government are paid for by corporate sponsorship
We make our decisions based on the corporations‘ best interest
This is ridiculous
Things have always been this way, the corporations were here first,
And everything we do is based on a healthy relationship
Between government and big business
Can you believe that these extremists want to discontinue
Our local dentists long standing policy of etching corporate logos on our children’s teeth?
And they want to remove the facial logo tattoos many of us already have
They say our Wal-mart manager should no longer be able to
Chair our town council meetings and perform all our marriages
This is blasphemy
My God, they plan to close down Exxon times
How are we gonna get our news?
Next they will be dismantling the oil refineries in our very front yards
This is outrageous
We will be crippled by the huge cost of the extraction of our inner ear balance adjusters
Not to mention that of the demolition of the central transmitter that broadcasts our balance instructions
How will we keep our spirits high without our corporate enthusiasm DNA enhancers?
And what kind of sick misguided society will this be without our subliminal sleep instructors?
Can you imagine how we will limit the spread of radical propaganda without the psychic white noise generators on our church steeples?
We must not allow these radicals to propagate the dangerous myth that the power to solve our own problems exists within ourselves
This will destroy our economy
And more to the point – What are the hard working officials of the town going to do without our corporate supplemental stipends? Let’s just call this thing what it is
It’s a communist conspiracy to bring down the most prominent citizens of our town
This cannot be allowed to stand
Desperate measures are now called for
We must act now to stop these maniacs